i dont like utah

so i picked up a book today for the first time in a while, and i read a couple chapters in john pipers 'dont waste your life' - something i started months ago and never finished. one chapter i read was 'to die is gain', and discussed at length how if this is not your full attitude, then you are, indeed, wasting your life. i am wasting my life.
i have never been ok with dying, and even right now, while i mentally agree that death will be a good thing for many many reasons, i do not want to give certain things up, and i haven't done things in life that i would like to. heaven will be far better than anything earth has to offer, and that seems satisfactory enough to my little brain, but especially at this stage i am in of life right now, i want to continue to grow in my love for lauren, i want to be married, and i feel that if i were to die right now i would be missing out. piper goes on to say that we are not wrong for enjoying the blessings we have on earth, but our view of death is indicative of our view of life. what do we cling to?
i just ate several mounds bars. i like coconut.
all this to say, i enjoy being challenged in my thinking, especially in a thorough, well thought out way, but i have a long way to go. john is right, writing helps you sort through things you are thinking. good call john.
i saw dan in real life, the new steve carrell movie a couple days ago. while i enjoyed it, i found it very sad, and i cant quite put my finger on why. i felt similarly when i saw cheaper by the dozen, and the one son is neglected, essentially, and no one really pays attention to him for the duration of the movie. i think the fact that in this movie, dont finish this sentence if you dont want to know small insignificant details pertaining to the plotline, dan (steve) dismisses his youngest daughter at times to pursue his own love interest got to me. i dont know why it bothers me so. feel free to add your psychoanalysis here.
life without work is nice - but, i need to learn how to manage my time better. today was the first saturday in months that i haven't spent at the mall disgusted at the hoards of people and how bad off the general human condition is. instead lauren and i took james olah to scandia, and i got to practice for the worship tomorrow. i feel much better about life and myself than other saturdays.
i just realized that 'olah' is halo backwards, and it all makes sense why james is so much better at that video game than me. that and the fact that he probably spent months worth of hours more than i ever have or will at it. nevertheless, an advantage is an advantage. olahalo. its like a hawaiian word. holla.