a little behind...
but at least john will read it. i hope.
so six months later, i've been disconnected from life, worked my butt off, and felt like the world turned it's back on me. the american dream, as jordan claims he's living, would be subject to change - i was making money hand over fist, managing people, climbing the corporate ladder. i didn't see my friends, i didn't make it to church, i felt sick more often than not, tired when i wasn't sick, and i hated it. i hadn't played music in months, hadn't gotten a full night sleep in longer than that. i realize that i didn't like it for a while but had convinced myself that i had come too far to give up now. when common sense whacked me over the head and i came to, i quit. monday was my last day. i have no plans, but the freedom and options are so much more appealing than any starbucks job could offer.
on monday, my last day, i started to feel weird like my entire time there was a waste, and i began to think about how well things were orchestrated. i was in so many stores and met so many people, but had certain events not transpired, that could not be scripted any better, i would not have been at the marlow store, and not have met the girl that i would like to spend the rest of my life with. that made me feel better, and if for only that, i'm grateful for my tenure with the company.
i miss music. i miss playing with my friends, creating together, sharing with each other, and eating fumbies together. i hope that more free time can lead to more opportunities to play.
life moves along, and people change, and i want nothing more than to be with the people i love, and to share in their lives, and to be able to serve them. i have so much, and have been so selfish for so long, i want to change and be more involved, more giving, more loving, and more reliable.
i miss john - with a staunchly unblemished record of heterosexuality - his honesty is commendable, his wit hilarious, and his music beautiful. john, don't fall in love with europe - their basketball players are all white, and they smell funny and don't tip.
so in theory this is a turning point in my life. the next step. the next episode. snoop dogg. holla.
so six months later, i've been disconnected from life, worked my butt off, and felt like the world turned it's back on me. the american dream, as jordan claims he's living, would be subject to change - i was making money hand over fist, managing people, climbing the corporate ladder. i didn't see my friends, i didn't make it to church, i felt sick more often than not, tired when i wasn't sick, and i hated it. i hadn't played music in months, hadn't gotten a full night sleep in longer than that. i realize that i didn't like it for a while but had convinced myself that i had come too far to give up now. when common sense whacked me over the head and i came to, i quit. monday was my last day. i have no plans, but the freedom and options are so much more appealing than any starbucks job could offer.
on monday, my last day, i started to feel weird like my entire time there was a waste, and i began to think about how well things were orchestrated. i was in so many stores and met so many people, but had certain events not transpired, that could not be scripted any better, i would not have been at the marlow store, and not have met the girl that i would like to spend the rest of my life with. that made me feel better, and if for only that, i'm grateful for my tenure with the company.
i miss music. i miss playing with my friends, creating together, sharing with each other, and eating fumbies together. i hope that more free time can lead to more opportunities to play.
life moves along, and people change, and i want nothing more than to be with the people i love, and to share in their lives, and to be able to serve them. i have so much, and have been so selfish for so long, i want to change and be more involved, more giving, more loving, and more reliable.
i miss john - with a staunchly unblemished record of heterosexuality - his honesty is commendable, his wit hilarious, and his music beautiful. john, don't fall in love with europe - their basketball players are all white, and they smell funny and don't tip.
so in theory this is a turning point in my life. the next step. the next episode. snoop dogg. holla.
posted by Ben at 5:12 PM
1 Comments:
Ben, I love you man. As cool as it is here, I can't wait to get back home. And I don't really have a band during the school year, so...Seriously man, I know writing is not a necessity for some people, or even something to be enjoyed, but I think it's so important, if only just to process things for yourself. And when I get props in the process, well, I can't complain. You know I could say the same things for you. I'm glad you quit. Not that I would look down on you if you had stayed, and I will miss "the hook up" as it were, but when I quit the BR, I haven't missed it since. Except for the money. My friend/roomate believes that everything happens for a reason. I don't quite feel the same way, but I do believe that some do, and the rest are opportunities to learn from. I know I still have a lot to learn, but I feel like I'm beginning to be less of a glass-half-empty person to maybe a "that's half a glass of water". Or I drink it. Anyway man, I look forward to seeing you again, and thank you for posting. Hopefully you got something out of it too.
Post a Comment
<< Home