a title
so in the last couple weeks i have thought of numerous things to post on, and then i sit down to the computer with the intent to write on them, and i can never remember what i thought to write about. very frustrating.
its funny how i want to use instances to create what i want out of them. for example: while working at a different starbucks last night, i met a girl, who was, upon first impression, pretty cool. so then i start thinking that of course god has me here for this girl and isnt this wonderful, etc, etc, etc. and i ignore all these red flags surrounding her, because thats not what i want to see. by the way i have it stuck in my head that my future wife's name will start with an "a" for obvious reasons, which her name did....anyways. so then as im leaving i start being realistic and thinking, and it's like, yes shes a cool girl..., not exactly someone i want to invest time in. but because thats what i was thinking about and wanting out of the situation, i possibly totally missed what i was really there for. hopefully i can be more openminded in stuff like that.
eggnog is upon us. egg nog, in itself is redundant. nog, as defined by webster means made of eggs.
tomorrow starts another week. time flies by, and i wonder whether im a good steward of it. i know that i miss the mark on certain things, but i also know that god makes each of us with our own desires and interests. music for example i can see how i can use that to his glory. basketball, seems a little more of a grey area. how do i glorify god watching the warriors? i can love those who im with while i do it, i suppose, but is there more there? i do love the warriors
in a similar vein, or is it vain?, i know that im not always the best steward of my time at work. i need to be doing everything as unto the lord, and i know that sometimes i do enough for the store, but if i was looking at is, as unto god, i would do more. but at the same time, when is enough enough? it is not a good steward to go into overtime as far as the store is concerned, so how much cleaning and all that is enough? i suppose if i was doing it with the right attitude i would just know....but maybe not.
im coaching a cyo 8th grade basketball team with a friend from starbucks. first practice was last thursday - the kids that hustle and are less talented rock. there were a few that were really good, but they knew they were good, and they were obviously not going all out. relate this back to the last paragraph. stretch if you have to. if i do all that i can, but with less than someone else, when is enough enough? i mean i want these kids to hustle for a loose ball but not to the point that they hurt themselves. when is god satisfied with our efforts?
i want to write a song, but im hyper critical of my own work. ive started like 10 different songs, about various things and i come up with catchy titles, but i never finish because i dont think its as good as it can be. i wouldnt say that im a perfectionist, because im not. i cut corners all the time, but with this its different for some reason. the latest one i started is a metaphor/analogy between a wedding and all of its symbolism and christ dying for the church to wed it and all of that symbolism. i only got a few lines and i stopped because i come up with it the way i thought about it. i dont know why i dont like the stuff i write, and i think its because i force it, and dont just let it flow, but somehow i feel like when i let it flow its just bs. hard to say
at this point im figuring that if you really care that i havent posted in a couple weeks youre getting your moneys worth.
the word albatross came up tonight. what is an albatross? the only reason i have heard the word is from golf. albatross is one stroke less than an eagle. some say double-eagle, some say albatross. so i checked with webster, and he says a bird - web footed, southern hemisphere...blah, blah, blah. also, interestingly enough, an obstacle to success, and a constant worrisome burden. not what i would have guessed.
i was talking with people about names tonight, and this is something i have thought about before. do you make your name, or in a way, does your name make you? if you had a different name would you be exactly the same person you are now, or does your name in some way shape who you are? i think that there are certain things about certain names that would affect anyone with that name, not just the individual. i also that that there is enough about your life that is related to your name that if you were named something else you wouldnt be exactly the same person you are now. no way to tell of course, but it seems to make sense to me.
on the topic of going back and doing things over again, the movie groundhog day came up in conversation today. i like that movie, for various reasons. i think ill put it on my netflix queue, its been a while. i think i can relate though, to phil. i would do many of the same things he does in the movie. at the same time the complete mental peril of starting the exact same day over and over again would be enough to drive anyone crazy.
i hope that i have on some level entertained you or given you something to think about in these many paragraphs. i have decided at least for tonight that capitalizing letters was not necessary and i meant no offense to anything that should have been capitalized in standard english. ie, god, christ, etc. i guess if you were worried about that i wasnt really talking to you anyways. but just in case.
its funny how i want to use instances to create what i want out of them. for example: while working at a different starbucks last night, i met a girl, who was, upon first impression, pretty cool. so then i start thinking that of course god has me here for this girl and isnt this wonderful, etc, etc, etc. and i ignore all these red flags surrounding her, because thats not what i want to see. by the way i have it stuck in my head that my future wife's name will start with an "a" for obvious reasons, which her name did....anyways. so then as im leaving i start being realistic and thinking, and it's like, yes shes a cool girl..., not exactly someone i want to invest time in. but because thats what i was thinking about and wanting out of the situation, i possibly totally missed what i was really there for. hopefully i can be more openminded in stuff like that.
eggnog is upon us. egg nog, in itself is redundant. nog, as defined by webster means made of eggs.
tomorrow starts another week. time flies by, and i wonder whether im a good steward of it. i know that i miss the mark on certain things, but i also know that god makes each of us with our own desires and interests. music for example i can see how i can use that to his glory. basketball, seems a little more of a grey area. how do i glorify god watching the warriors? i can love those who im with while i do it, i suppose, but is there more there? i do love the warriors
in a similar vein, or is it vain?, i know that im not always the best steward of my time at work. i need to be doing everything as unto the lord, and i know that sometimes i do enough for the store, but if i was looking at is, as unto god, i would do more. but at the same time, when is enough enough? it is not a good steward to go into overtime as far as the store is concerned, so how much cleaning and all that is enough? i suppose if i was doing it with the right attitude i would just know....but maybe not.
im coaching a cyo 8th grade basketball team with a friend from starbucks. first practice was last thursday - the kids that hustle and are less talented rock. there were a few that were really good, but they knew they were good, and they were obviously not going all out. relate this back to the last paragraph. stretch if you have to. if i do all that i can, but with less than someone else, when is enough enough? i mean i want these kids to hustle for a loose ball but not to the point that they hurt themselves. when is god satisfied with our efforts?
i want to write a song, but im hyper critical of my own work. ive started like 10 different songs, about various things and i come up with catchy titles, but i never finish because i dont think its as good as it can be. i wouldnt say that im a perfectionist, because im not. i cut corners all the time, but with this its different for some reason. the latest one i started is a metaphor/analogy between a wedding and all of its symbolism and christ dying for the church to wed it and all of that symbolism. i only got a few lines and i stopped because i come up with it the way i thought about it. i dont know why i dont like the stuff i write, and i think its because i force it, and dont just let it flow, but somehow i feel like when i let it flow its just bs. hard to say
at this point im figuring that if you really care that i havent posted in a couple weeks youre getting your moneys worth.
the word albatross came up tonight. what is an albatross? the only reason i have heard the word is from golf. albatross is one stroke less than an eagle. some say double-eagle, some say albatross. so i checked with webster, and he says a bird - web footed, southern hemisphere...blah, blah, blah. also, interestingly enough, an obstacle to success, and a constant worrisome burden. not what i would have guessed.
i was talking with people about names tonight, and this is something i have thought about before. do you make your name, or in a way, does your name make you? if you had a different name would you be exactly the same person you are now, or does your name in some way shape who you are? i think that there are certain things about certain names that would affect anyone with that name, not just the individual. i also that that there is enough about your life that is related to your name that if you were named something else you wouldnt be exactly the same person you are now. no way to tell of course, but it seems to make sense to me.
on the topic of going back and doing things over again, the movie groundhog day came up in conversation today. i like that movie, for various reasons. i think ill put it on my netflix queue, its been a while. i think i can relate though, to phil. i would do many of the same things he does in the movie. at the same time the complete mental peril of starting the exact same day over and over again would be enough to drive anyone crazy.
i hope that i have on some level entertained you or given you something to think about in these many paragraphs. i have decided at least for tonight that capitalizing letters was not necessary and i meant no offense to anything that should have been capitalized in standard english. ie, god, christ, etc. i guess if you were worried about that i wasnt really talking to you anyways. but just in case.
posted by Ben at 10:52 PM
3 Comments:
Ben, I really enjoy reading your random musings and honest writings. I didn't even feel like reading a post that long was a chore, which in many circumstances I would have felt like it was. Keep up the good work. And check your myspace mail. Some guy hacked our profile and sent you a weird message.
Good post, Ben. I struggle with the songwriting too. I've had ideas for songs but never finish them because I'm too insecure about my writing skills. I figure it will come when the time is perfect. It was encouraging reading about doing everything for the Glory of the Lord too. That is very difficult, but I think as God slowly changes our mindset, we can come to a place where we do worship God in everything we do. I think your priorities are right with the girl at work. I think if your their for God and to bless others, if God wants her for you, she'll see that and be atrracted to it. One thing I found out quickly with Eileen is how important my beliefs are. She and I both were attracted to one another but when we actually talked about what mattered in our lives, the relationship came to a screeching hault. Put God first in your life and the right one will come. I'll be praying for you, bro.
Good post, as alwa-...usual. I have though of all those things. Working for the Lord ("Lord" as Pedro would say) is a high calling but when you face the reality that nothing we can do comes anywhere close to the worth of God, we come also to an understanding that God does not need us, nore does he need our version of perfection. Christ looks at the heart. Are you half-assing, or are you being faithful and thankful with what God has given you? As far as the lyric writing, I have had a ton of ideas for songs (more recently) but I have found that when I sit down and decide to write it out, it comes out wrong. I think, at least for me, I have to wait until my ideas bubble over because I have so many. If I take what little I have, I end up with something hollow and incomplete. I also understand your frustration with capitols.
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